Nothing Ever Fits Me Anymore

There is nothing more frustrating or sad than waking up from a restless night of sleep only to see that your body has decided to retain about 10 pounds of water weight. This is the life of a liver patient. Whether you have hep C or are cured now, this factor may be part of your daily life. It happens to women and men alike. People of both genders can face the same weight on, weight off scenario.

Judging myself

As a woman, it used to beat me up each day. I could not fit into normal clothing such as jeans, slacks, or fitted skirts. The waist area was always either too tight, or I just couldn’t clasp the button at all. Most mornings, I just stood there, wanting to cry. Many many mornings I did. Not only was I fighting all the other side effects of having a bad liver (insomnia, muscle and joint aches, edema in my lower legs, nausea, and fatigue), I also had to feel ugly now, not being able to fit into any of my clothes. I was not overeating- in fact, I was eating very healthy. However,  no matte what you're eating, liver disease can change your weight throughout the day via water weight and retention.

A new attitude

After curing my hep C, I don’t know what happened with in me, but I took on a whole new attitude.  I figured I was no longer being threatened by death, like my mom faced. I was alive. I got mad at myself for feeling sorry for myself. Here I am, standing before this mirror, 5 years after being cured, and still crying over water weight.

I took some extra money and went to the store and got spandex stretchy knit pants. You know, the craze of clothing that hit about 5 years ago? LuLaRoe? I found some really cute designs and in all colors. I had it set in my mind that no matter how I would wake up each day, I would no longer let this effect my attitude. I promised that I wouldn't beat myself up for something my body literally can’t help. I just beat a disease that robbed my mother of her life, and I am sitting here crying in the mornings about feeling fat? NO MORE.

Most importantly, I am ALIVE

Today, I get up and I can tell right away if my belly is swollen more than normal or not. So, I immediately go to the drawer with the leggings and pull out a cute pair and dress as if this was my norm. If I wake up without bloat, I can grab my cute slacks or skirt. I have learned to just appreciate the breath I take each morning and not be so vain about how I look.

It is difficult, I know. I might need my leggings for weeks, depending on what my body decides to do. Now, I adjust for it, and have learned to rock each outfit no matter if elastic waist or cute belted one.

Most importantly, I am ALIVE and I thank God for that.

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