I Can't Give Anymore of Me Today
Feeling like an outsider is common when you are tackling a health issue, especially hep C. Your mind wants to go and be a part of everyday life, however your body says otherwise. For me, it was so hard to get up in the morning and get ready for work. I hurt everywhere and I was so tired from not sleeping through the night. I was awake at 1-2am with insomnia and when I did fall back to sleep, it felt like minutes before my alarm went off.
I struggled with fatigue
Dropping my kids off to their two different schools then opening up my shop for day wore on me so badly. I had no energy to begin my daily work. I seriously dreaded any customer walking into my shop. I knew, however, their business is what kept me alive and those of my employees, but I really did not want to interact and talk with anyone. I wanted to crawl in bed and throw covers over my head.
After school, my kids each had activities that I needed to take them to - cheerleading practice, football practice, I was beat. There were many days I would just sit in my car and watch from afar. That way I would not have to strike up conversations with other moms or pretend I was all excited and happy. I just wanted to be left alone.
Weekends were filled with high school games for which I had to take my daughter and then late my son on a different side of town. I would load up with bottled water, snacks, blankets, and warm clothes. Sitting out in the elements, I seemed to always get cold and then that pain from neuropathy would kick in.
Learning to rest
I found that throughout my day, if I could close my eyes even for 10 mins, this helped me recoup from a lack of stamina. The days I was overly tired, I would just avoid people. I did not overload myself with possible interactions that would require energy I did not have. It is ok to remove things, people and such from your schedule to be able to just survive the day. It is hard and if you allow yourself time to just be in the moment, you can focus on YOU. Your body needs you and your attention right now. It is ok to say “NOT RIGHT NOW”. Keeping in mind: This too shall pass.
What best describes you?