Being single can feel hollow and lonely. The terms wallflower or old bachelor don’t always carry a sweet feeling. They can even conjure up images of dusty books on a shelf. However, the stigma that comes from living alone doesn’t always represent the truth. We all know that someone can feel miserably lonely in a crowded room. Many of us have also experienced extreme peace and joy while being all by ourselves.
Causes and Cures of Feeling Alone
Sometimes our loneliness is born of desire. We have a longing to feel a connection with someone. If we have repeatedly raggedy relationships, we keep looking. Many times we think that in order to be happy, we have to be in love. I’m one of those people. Being single was hard for me. I was on the lookout for a partner to share my dreams with. It was a longing. I have friends who are the opposite. They desire to have quiet space where no one intrudes on their plans or thoughts. Get in touch with your own desire and you might find that you’re not really lonely at all. List your ideas about what you really want in life. Don’t be tempted to make a sad story about your current situation.
When we are associated with a family, group of people, or even another individual, there is a kind of contentment. These people create a community who are united in helping to support us in life. In turn, we probably provide support for them. We go through life’s struggles together. We are able to push away any lingering feelings of fear or abandonment. I’ve always enjoyed connection at work, church, community service, and other places. When one group or place didn’t come through in a certain situation, I had other reliable sources of support. It’s good to spread out our connections over our lives. It’s never to late to start.
Sometimes we seek to be with others in order to avoid ourselves. Maybe we haven’t dealt with our past. We have doubts or concerns about the way we handled situations. Guilty voices, or repeated negative patterns weigh us down. We can become better acquainted with our own voice by learning to meditate. Through quiet observation of our mind, we can learn to be alone with ourselves. It’s worth it to try and sit in stillness and listen to the prattle of words that wash over our minds. By guiding ourselves through these moments, we can find a deep inner peace and self companionship that is only found in silence.
I know how to find contentment. I know that goodness is within me. It’s easy to lay my mind on it. Even though I have a life partner, other, less happy thoughts can intrude. They taunt me about my worthiness to belong. They’re just voices. I find rest with serenity in my heart most of the time.
Being alone does not mean that you have to feel lonely. Perhaps you are in the most emotionally safe relationship in the world – with yourself.