Too cure or not to cure

That is the question……..

I sit here at midnight (can’t sleep) pondering the life decision fate has dealt me. Recently diagnosed with genotype 3 chronic hepatitis c and compensating end stage cirrhosis. The doctor is insisting I do treatment on his word and little info and worry about other issues later. I am 51 and ok with dying, I have had the best life.

The points I wonder and realize there are no answers are:

With viral load of 17 million, can HepC be killed without making liver weaker structurally…… Hmm

Will the magic cure repair
The years of ringing in my ears
My lost memories..(literally can’t remember my or my son’s childhood, and I was single father)
The constant pain of liver and something in spleen area
The callous looking bumps taking over neck and face
The vomiting several times daily and urinating every hour
The brain fog, dizzy spells and the blackouts..
But mostly just the feeling like crap 24 hours a day

I am just pondering and not looking for any medical advice. I started showing symptoms 5 years ago wasn’t found till August 2016. I live in mountain cabin with low money, no insurance, and disability has denied me twice..Once for not being blind and other says “we realize you have cirrhosis, but we feel you can put in a 40 hour week.”

A large hospital wants to help, but I don’t feel wasting the pills as beneficial.

Has this wonder cure help others alleviate their symptoms? Or is the damage done?..Do I break my streak? (To my memory and medical history I have) I have never taken a prescription or had operation.

In closing, I have very tolerable existence right now and no regrets, So I’m not scared of dying and would rather die than live 5-10-20 years, feeling like I do now…..Is that wrong?….That is the real question.

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