Abstract figures, one man and two women. One woman has a medication capsule on her tongue

Where Do I Start? Part 2

In part 1 of this blog, I mentioned how scary it is, sharing personal experiences with liver disease and all the crazy effects it has. We face insecurities, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, feeling unattractive, mood swings, low self-esteem, constant weight changes, medications, doctor visits, and the list goes on… and it takes an emotional toll. It’s very difficult to trust new people in your life, to trust them enough to share your story and experiences. With my kids, we learned together what to do when mom starts feeling sluggish, worn down, cranky, and emotional. But sharing with someone new in my life? Now, that’s hard. Many of us have come from broken relationships because of hep c. Now we are cured, so how do we learn to love again and, especially, trust again?

Feeling sexy when you’re sick

For example, I want to be attractive and feel beautiful, but let’s face it, when your liver is bad, 75% of the time, you don’t feel good. It causes you to bloat – with a capital “B”.  Time to go with those stretchy fit pants- you know, the ones with the elastic waist bands?! Not designer fit, and not complimentary to your figure. For a woman who wants to feel attractive and sexy, who works out regularly to stay fit, these are not what you want to wear. Honestly, it’s frustrating and not fun. But, it’s best to just be up-front with your loved ones and tell them the way it is. Trust, not only in yourself, but also in those you care about and who care about you.

There are other examples as well. Trying to feel sexy in those hospital gowns? Hiding bottle and bottles of pills on the night stand? Those thoughts cross my mind even now. I have always been a positive force for those fighting Hep C, but I still struggle. How do I find the answers I’m looking for? I read books, of course, on how to be confident, how to love, how to grow my faith in God, and so on. But, it’s also hard to find help and guidance for facing chronic illness.

Finding my inner self

Now that I’m cured from a deadly disease and beginning a new chapter in life, where else do I find answers?  It’s called “inner self”. Before any of us got sick and had to deal with all the challenges we face, we lived what we thought was a normal life. It is that place and that “inner feeling” that I try to return to, hoping to find the Kim that was care-free, confident, and vibrant.  It is in my inner self that I work to regain strength, confidence, and willingness to trust the man I love and accept his love in return. I have to learn to love who I am now. I also must look beyond what I see and trust what I feel.

I hope this blog helps others out there who may be facing challenges with a new love in their life and wanting to be transparent about their struggles with hep C. It is a process, and as the song goes, “We learn as we go”. Don’t stop yourself from experiencing a new life and new love, if that is your situation. We are ALL worthy of love.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The HepatitisC.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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