Stuck at Home and Feeling Sick

Locked up at home and feeling sick is a very isolating experience for anyone. Since COVID began, this seclusion of being at home stuck away from life of the everyday. It has thrown me back into a slight depressive mode, memories of being diagnosed with hep C filled my head. I can recall those feelings as if it were yesterday...

My hep C diagnosis

The loneliness and withdrawn feeling I got soon after diagnosed.   At the time, I still had my mom to share this with, but she was deteriorating at an extremely fast pace.  Being diagnosed in the fall and her passing in spring (May), I had only a couple months to confide in her and get comfort from knowing that someone else knew understand I felt. I would cry, telling her I was afraid. I was afraid to die and leave my kids at such a young age. She would share that although her fate was nearer than mine, she was blessed to see us two daughters grow up and have our own families. Her life, as she said, was full and she had no regrets.

Coping with darkness

But sitting here during this COVID lockdown, I began to think over my life and what I should have done differently. As the days went on, my blacklist grew - the things I beat myself up for for not doing or choosing the wrong direction to follow. I quickly saw that this had to stop. My happy-go-lucky attitude was going dark again.   I believe we all experience this in some form or fashion at any given point in our lives - hitting rock bottom, so to speak. I honestly believe that God (and my opinion and belief only) lets us hit this bottom to open our eyes and look up, look up to the brightness of what lies ahead of our lives.

Counting my blessings

One morning, drinking coffee ,I decided to go sit outside in the sunshine and sit. As I sat, the warmth of the sun began to warm up my thoughts. It's hard to explain, but it did, and the blessings began to flow through my mind.  The blessing of being cured now, finding an amazing doctor who directed me to clinical trials office, meeting my trial coordinator, who later saved my life. She will never accept this honor, but I live with it each day. Without her, I would not be here today. My beautiful Megan, who is doing amazing things in her life and has found a man that loves her deeply; She is a strong woman with passion and purpose. She is never afraid to try new directions in life and has the mindset to make things happen. She makes her momma proud. My son Garrett, who has had a vision for acting since a little boy, seeing his dreams coming to vision and his drive to make sure this dream becomes a reality. His drive and ambition are something I see will take him to great heights. Watching him become a man and taking charge of his life is my proud moment. And lastly, my love, Frank, who has shown me that there are relationships out there that stay true, no matter the health crisis. He loves me in my bad, crazy pain days and helps me over come them. He never fails to bring a smile to my face and heart. He assures me that even when I feel my worst that I look my best to him.

My message to those diagnosed with hep C

Yes, I am BLESSED, for all of these are my reasons to stay positive and steer away from negative thoughts while being confined to my home. You might have just been diagnosed with hep C and fighting depression and fear. I am here to share that this is not the time to succumb to fear or negative mindset.  I am here to help you to your feet to fight this battle head on. A cure for hep C is available, and it is waiting for you to claim it. Do not stop until you cross that finish line.   There is hope.   WE all from time to time get blue and down. If you find yourself in this dark place for long periods of time, reach out to us here at HepatitisC.net we all have been where you are now. But most importantly, seek out help from your medical provider. Do not try to do it alone.