Fighting Through The Tears
I was having one of these days this week. I was at work, and was having one of those moments where I began to have severe neuropathy pain in my legs. I had my prescription medication, thank goodness. However, it was not working as fast as I hoped. My coworkers kept asking if I was doing ok. I guess it was written all over my face, the excruciating pain I was in, or perhaps, just the watery-eyed look I was giving them. I put on that fake, forced smiled and said, “Yea, I am doing fine”. But, my body was yelling “SAVE ME”. During break, I managed to go to my car, set the seat back, and close my eyes for a half hour. That little short break saved my day.
My "pretend face"
How many times do we fight through things in our daily lives? I know for myself, when I step back and look, it is a daily thing. I wake up in pain, and depending on my sleep and level of brain fog, that determines how much I have to put on that "pretend face" for others.
The hidden truth
Those close to me however, know me… They know when I am at the end of my rope and need help. It has even gotten to the point where my kids understand and know to pick up the slack, or if I am struggling in a conversation to stay focused, they politely chime in and begin taking over the conversation. It is done so slyly that one would not suspect anything, but when it is all said and done, I look to them. I thank them for rescuing me from a conversation where the brain fog is so bad that I am studdering or getting off-topic.
An outsider would not look and see the turmoil we fight daily. They see a shell of a person who appears to be normal all while fighting the dragons within.
Have you been diagnosed with cirrhosis?