Coming to Terms with Your Health
Coming to terms with where you are health-wise: This is something I still struggle with today. Just this past weekend, we were re-doing my backyard deck. We had gone to the lumber store and picked up all the wood we would need to replace the ones on the deck that were rotted out. We rented a sander to sand off the old paint, and got all the painting supplies to create this new-looking patio.
When things don’t go as planned
I had scheduled a few of my son’s friends to come help, figuring the more help, the better. However, just as life happens, not as many friends came as planned. Then, I was pulled away for several hours on a family emergency, leaving the majority of the deck fixing to my fiancé and my son’s friend. After returning from this emergency, I did all I could to make up for not being there to help. I felt horrible leaving all this work to them alone.
I will say this… I am not one to sit back and let someone else do all the hard, manual labor so, I pushed extra hard to pick up the slack where I left off before the emergency. That night, I went to bed in extreme pain.
Pushing myself to the limit
Early the next morning, we were hard at work. We even worked in hot heat of day (taking several breaks). Around 7pm, all the sudden, the body that I basically ignored all day began to wear down. Nerve pain shooting throughout my system, my muscles locking up, and the tears began to fill my eyes. No matter how hard I tried to fight off those tears, more and more came. My very concerned fiancé came to help me. Seeing my pain and exhaustion, he guided me inside to rest. Hesitant and stubborn, I pleaded to help him; After all, this was my deck, and out of the goodness of his heart, he spent his whole weekend working beyond his own physical pain to finish it. How on earth could I feel comfortable stopping when he was still hard working out there? All I could do was cry more.
Struggling with acceptance
I am writing to share this story because I know many out there with a bad liver or other serious health issues may feel the same way. Most of the time, you may feel amazing and not really sick. But after long days of doing things, it will hit you all at once. How do you come to terms that you are not 100%?
To this day, I struggle with this, and I pay for it every time. The pain is beyond powerful, and when I push beyond my limits, I become no good to anyone. We have got to learn to give ourselves permission to slow down, or even stop. Easier said than done- I know. There is not a magical ending to this blog. I wish I could say try this or try that, but it is part of living with a chronic illness. Knowing someone else out there feels the same way is comforting, to know you are not alone.